Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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