I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
