I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
