About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
