We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
