Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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