I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
