No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
