so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
