thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
