why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
