In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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