So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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