Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
