u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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