I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
