The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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