I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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