sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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