We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
