This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
