just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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