One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
