shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
