we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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