..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
