that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
