what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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