u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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