So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is Oprah even human
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
