Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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