I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
