Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
