but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize