Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
