If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
