I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
