My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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