Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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