none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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