shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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