Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
