i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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