Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
