Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
