Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
