Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
