I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
