So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
