He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
