Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
