Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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