We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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