my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
my poor anus
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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