Umm I'm too high to move.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
