I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
