I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just puked most of my soul out..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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