using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
