I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
