Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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