Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore