4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible