Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
