Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i love accidental penises.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
