ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
