Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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