I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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