He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.