it hurts more in the daytime
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.