Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I told you penises don't tan
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi