awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?