I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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