He uses pillows to masturbate.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Randomize
