Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
