Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
