chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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