Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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