Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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