I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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