The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
