her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize