it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
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