i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
